Beauty from Ashes

This blog post is a LONG time coming. We are sitting here waiting for our precious son to be born and I think about the last 4 years and how it's all come down to these last 11 or so days until our prayers and dreams will be answered.
For those that don't know our story I'll share a little bit about the last 5 years of our lives.
When we found out we were expecting our daughter we were completely shocked and excited and overwhelmed with love for this small baby we had yet to meet. When I was 20 weeks pregnant I needed surgery to remove a 19cm cyst, which ended in the removal of my right ovary and folupian tube. I was told that she could of died either with the surgery or without. But the chances of our sweet girl living without the surgery was very low. She had no more room to grow. As you can see everything went great and our beautiful Addyson Faith is 5 years old, no issues and is one of the most beautiful, caring, sweet and thoughtful little girl ever. A week before Addyson turned 1 we found out we were pregnant again.....what a terrifying time in our life. I had this one year old and was so nervous at the thought of having another little one with a little one. (If I had only known) The same weekend we were going to tell our family my sister (who had been trying for years for a child) told us they were expecting also!! The next few weeks were filled with excitment and I was at that place were I couldn't of been more happier...to have a child so close to my daughters age, it would be wonderful. On July 4th 2008 I started having some issues and by the end of the night on the 7th we knew we had lost our precious little baby @ 11 weeks. I was devisitated...it opened a side of me I never knew I had....my anger came out...I was spiteful, mean, depressed, sad, mad....you name it I was it. It took months for me to even want to deal with my feelings but when I finally did we found out we were expecting our 3rd child in Feb 2009. That was a total surprise and we were extremely excited but very reserved. But then again who has 2 losses in a row?? At the end of April when I was 12 weeks I went to the Dr. for some issues and found out our precious child had passed away at 8 weeks 3 days, the day we had come in and heard the heartbeat...how devistating is that? We chose to do the D&C and I am forever greatful that we decided on that route, I couldn't go through the natural miscarrage again. By this point I'm making my brain feel like this was just an extension of my last miscarriage and it was the only way I could move on and get out of bed in the morning. I knew I still had our daughter to take care of and that brought me out of my pit one more time. I can't tell how how hard the next couple years were, I can't tell you how many emotions I had or how many times I "thought" I was pregnant but I FINALLY turned to the one that I knew would rescue me from everyone horrible negative feeling I ever had. God. I prayed that I would not get pregnant again unless this was our child to take home and to love, I knew I didn't want to go through those horrible feelings again.
In August of 2010 my dad felt that God was telling me "it was time". Of course my head is thinking Yay its time for a baby but then I had this overwhelming feeling to go to the Dr. and figure out what had been going on. In Sept I started getting tested for everything that could be wrong and by the next year they found NOTHING! lol....not really what you want to hear but then again relieved that it's nothing major that is causing you not to have another child. I got sent to a specialist and they decided to put me on Clomid. After the 3rd month of it I had a huge melt down in front of the nurse who told me she would be praying for me.....AND told me there was ONE last blood test to take to test to see if my folic acid levels were good. It was a long shot and it didn't mean that if I had this mutation it was keeping me from being pregnant. Well I found out I did indeed have this problem...my body was not absorbing it like it should. I was then put on a prescription for it and I told them it was my last month of Clomid. I knew at that moment that that was my problem and that God was keeping me from getting pregnant until I knew what was really going on. I read I should be on these pills for 3 months before getting pregnant so I can have the folic acid built up in my system. Of course they said they weren't keeping me from getting pregnant but I knew that God was protecting my heart and sure enough 3 months later we found out we were expecting our 4th child on Oct 31st 2011.
During those three months my faith was stronger than it had ever been....I felt like God was telling us we would have a son.....and Stephen even had his name. Simon (which means "God has heard".) Perfect don't you think? We didn't know when it would happen but I knew that it would happen and I just need to be patient and wait on Him.
I couldn't believe it when we got our positive.....it was such a crazy emotional experience and even though I knew in my heart everything would be fine, it was such a hard time for me to just let go and let God have control.
It was NO surprise when we had our first ultrasound and we found out we were having a son....I waas finally able to give my husband a son.....or God was!
He has been my everlasting strength and without Him I'm not sure where I would be emotionally. He has held our hand the last 4 years and I sit here with our son kicking me in my belly and I can't even explain to you how overwhelmed with love I feel from The Lord. He has created this miracle and kept him alive and has given us a son named Simon. We will be forever indebited to Him. I say that God has a HUGE purpose for both our children because through the odds they are both healthy and I know he has a great big plan for their life.
So as I sit here and wait for these final 11 days to pass until we get to meet our son....I thank the Lord for the past 4 years.  I would never want to change anything because I am who I am today because of the trials I went through. Sure enough there is beauty from ashes. God has a plan!