I would like to tell you how horrible work was today and how miserable I was and how it didn't go fast enough....but then that would be a lie.
It actually wasn't so bad, the hard part was walking out the door and having to say goodbye to my sweet baby as she fell back to sleep in her crib. Yes I was in tears, yes I came back a couple times, yes it was super hard, yes I even cried in front of my boss when I walked in.....but it did get better. I can't even explain to you how much in love I am with this small little person. I just can't imagine working and not seeing her, not comforting her when she cries, not feed her when she is hungry, or rock her when she is not feeling well. It kills me inside....BUT
I go to work with a fake face, with a smile on my face pretending it doesn't matter, but in truth it really hurts me. I have work that keeps me busy and thats nice, I have friends whom I love to talk to and see but when it all comes down to it the one thing I really need throughout the day is my baby Addyson in my arms. It will get better and I will continue going to work pretending that life is great....because that's how I am. God knows my heart and my desire and maybe one day I can stay home with her, but for now I will do what I have to do with a smile and a wave and know that we are making a future for our daughter.
She cried for a couple hours this morning and wouldn't take her bottle, it hurt me to hear that, but hopefully she will get better as time goes on. She just needed her momma and her momma just needed her.
Tomorrow I'm working 7:30-2:30, the good thing is that I was given permission to work a minimum of 32 hours.....so as long as I get that many I'm good. I just have to make sure I keep my work up and do my best. I still get vacation because that is still considered full time. It's not so bad I guess.
Thats my first day, it went by fast and in the end it felt so nice to see my daughter. Maybe day 2 will be better.
Oh Addyson is 12 weeks today it's been a wonderful and exciting 12 weeks. God is good
Love my Life
13 years ago
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7 comments:
i'm so glad your day went okay. it will only get better each day you go back. 32 hours!!! that's great that they allow you to do that and still keep your benefits. i hope you have a great rest of the week. just two more days and then the weekend!
Michelle, you make me want to cry...
IT's going to be ok honey. Just take it 1 day at a time. I love you so much and thank you for being the strong Godly woman that you are. God does know the desire of your heart. Just be patient and be strong. Addyson and I both need you to be strong. I love you Michelle!
awww you almost made me cry but it also made me smile. my little sister is a mommy and a darn good one too! you rock Michelle!
i am so happy for you because you are doing so well.i know you can do it. i will be praying night and day that the days will fly and you will be able to be home with her all day! i know that is what God wants and what Stephen wants for his girls. i love you so much. see you soon.
love Kristen
wow...26 soon you are getting OLD! ha....
Sounds almost identical to my first day back! :) It really does get better from here. Hang in there!! And isn't it the most wonderful thing to see your baby's sweet face at the end of the day. :)
I cried reading your email...right here at my desk at work! lol I'm such a big baby! Hun, you are not alone! You have a whole group of blogger mommies that at one point either had to go to work, or something that required them to leave their babies. We have all been there. Hang in there. Every day will be easier...and that doesn't mean that it's ok that you are apart...it's just a little easier to bare! The only good thing about being apart, is reuniting! My favorite thing to do is pick up Colton from school/day care. He is so excited to see me! And vice versa! I love it! And the days that I don't get to pick him up because I have school, I miss him, and every night he asks me "Are you going to pick me up tomorrow?" I love it. It makes me smile...but it also makes me sad that I can't stay home with him. But it also makes me appreciate our time together.
Hang in there. Cherish the moments you do have together. Keep praying. And take tons of pics!
Hope that might've helped a bit. We are all praying that you will get to stay home with her eventually!
i am crying too. :(
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